I've had a really terrible day, probably one of the worst days I've ever had in SL. It was bad almost from start to finish. I want somebody to hold me - SL, RL, both, everything... failing that, I'm going to go to sleep. The terraforming will still be there in the morning.
Sometimes things are just... nobody's fault, they just are, and it sucks when that happens because there's nobody to be angry with, nobody to blame. In everything I try to remember that I made my own choices, so no matter what happens, it was my choice. If I am alone now, it was by choice, because I said no. If I want to rail and throw things and complain that life is not fair, well, as my mom used to say, "Whoever told you that life was supposed to be fair?". Anyway it was my choice, and I had reasons for it, even if at the moment I'm hard-pressed to remember what they were lol.
In my emo-ness I love to be melodramatic, and am amused by my own drama; as long as I can laugh at myself, I know I'll be okay. I simply need a day or two to be emo and then I'll be back to my normal self, I promise. It's just that it's been one hit after another and today's events have left me reeling.
I'll be away Wednesday afternoon till probably Thursday, if not Friday evening. Gonna have a sleepover at a friend's place. It'll be a good break from SL and all the stuff that's been going on lately, stuff I can't and don't want to talk about here -- at least, not in more detail than I have already.
I'm really tired in more ways than one, disheartened and afraid and hurting. But it's part of life, one must ride out the rough waves in order to reach the calm waters.
And I also finally, finally, finally got a HOUSE!!
I don't even know where I got the name of the creator, but I had on my list "Harmpie Rhode - checkout his prefabs". So I searched for his name and looked in his picks and TP'd over. [SURL]
When I rezzed this house, I instantly fell in lurve! My first thought was "Omigosh this is GORGEOUS!" and my second thought was "I waaaaaant!"
I called Laleeta over to get an unbiased second opinion (*grins*) and she said it was gorgeous too. I bought it for 2000L, it's copy/mod and 147 prims. I love it I love it I love it!!!! It's sooooo pretty!!!
Couldn't stop smiling after I bought it, and once I put it on my land I couldn't stop looking at it lol. I was so excited that I bugged all my friends to come see it, and Sai made my day when she took one look at it and told me, "Quaintly, this house is soooooo you" and said that it fits me well! \o/
I'm soooooo happy, I lurve it to bits and I never thought finding a house would be this easy. I swear, I've been browsing prefabs on SLexchange and it's enough to drive a person to drink, most of them are so horrible! Made me think I should just make my own, at least I know I could do better than that!
Now I need furniture... white wicker furniture, or white / cream / ivory furniture. A-shopping I shall go... after I get some sleep...
Yesterday I finally, finally, finally got a headphone set with mic and I can VOICE!!! lol. So now I can prove that I'm really a woman! \o/
*giggles*
The first time, I tried it with Sasy, whom I... err... actually don't really know, but when I asked in Plurk who would voice with me if I got a mic, she was so enthusiastic I knew she would be able to help this voice n00b with the initial learning curve. And also because none of my friends were inworld at that time to help me test the thing lol!
She's such a sweetheart; she was very kind and willingly took the time to help me figure everything out. The static was bad, I couldn't hear her properly all the time, but apart from that we did manage to hear each other. I was like, omigosh! It worked!! O.O
And then this afternoon, ArminasX called me over to join a party (whose party, I'm still not entirely clear lol) where everyone was speaking in voice. Or at least, it seemed like everyone to me! Since I hardly knew anyone there although there were some familiar names from Plurk, I couldn't figure out who was speaking or what was going on, really, and the sound kept fading in and out... which made me figure that voice in SL isn't very stable.
But later, I got to voice with Laleeta, which just made me want to giggle and giggle. I don't know, it was so funny to be talking instead of typing, and I was just so tickled that we could have a conversation this way, it was like... squeeeeeeeee! XD
After that I also voiced with Tiyuk, our sim owner, and that was cool too, hearing his voice after we'd talked so much through IMs. He said I don't have much of an accent. I guess that's probably coz I sound neither American nor British, the two more well-recognised accents? I don't know... in any case, I don't think anybody had difficulty understanding me, yay!
This morning, I was standing on my land, feeling all alone. I'd been ok last night, so there was really no reason I should feel like crap the next morning, but since when have emotions been reasonable?
I was talking on IM with Bon, but still feeling bleargh, and I was on the verge of logging out when ClassTax IM'd me about coming to see the land (he's been considering buying on Envision, too).
He came and we sat by my campfire, just chatting. I know him from Plurk, but this was the first time I'd met him inworld. It made... a lot of difference actually having him there in person, next to me, rather than just talking in IM. I don't know why; it's not logical, because even when he was next to me we were still chatting in private IM. But somehow I didn't feel alone anymore.
I think I vastly underestimated the power of visuals in SL. It actually does make a difference, seeing an avi sitting next to you compared to you sitting by yourself and IMing from a distance. It also makes a difference if you are in a relationship and don't get to see each other inworld very often. Even though you may keep in touch through other means outside of SL (email, MSN messenger, phone, etc.) if you can't get together in RL then inworld is the next best thing, and when you see his avi cuddling your avi you actually feel warm and cuddled. I swear.
It doesn't make sense, and is ridiculous, because after all they're just pixels... but it simply is.
(And yes, I didn't change clothes from yesterday :P)
Uhm. Uh... yes. Full disclosure. *grins* After yesterday's post, I figured I should let you guys know...
My landlord Tiyuk Quellmalz and I are kinda sorta dating. Well... we're getting to know each other and hanging out a lot. It's a bit early to say that we're dating, seeing as this has only been going on for 3 days :P
I'm sure Asha guessed, she came to buy land from Tiyuk and found us on my parcel, like THIS:
lol. Busted!!!! XD
Since some people are private and don't like their private business being bandied around on random blogs, I asked him if it was ok to write about him. "Feel free to talk about me if you get the urge," he replied. "Just don't over-flatter me lol, or I'll have to stop reading :P And be sure to throw in an insult or two for good measure..."
I forgot to warn him he was in danger of being quoted XD
This is... different from anything I've experienced before. We're really really trying to take it slow. Tonight we ran into our first hiccough, and talked a bit about the fact that there are bound to be things about me that he is not comfortable with, and vice-versa. We'll be discovering more of those things as we go along, since after all, neither of us claims to be perfect :P
The important thing is how we handle those discoveries and learn to accommodate one another. Meanwhile, we're just having fun and talking and hanging out :)
I haven't been able to get the thought of "beachfront" out of my head, and when Tiyuk Quellmalz posted about Envision Island on Plurk, I was like o.O I must check this out...
Beachfront! In SL! Cheap! With nice landlord!! WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN XD
Yes, I know it doesn't look like a beach. Terraforming, here I come!!!
And guess how much land I have? Two. Thousand. Six. Hundred. And. Seventy. Two. Square. Metres. Yes, 2,672sqm! *slumps onto the floor in a dead faint*
I originally wanted 1,536sqm, which is the same as my current rented plot, but... ah... things happened... and... um... err... well... *grins broadly*
So how much of a hole did it make in my pocket? Um... a one-off purchase price of USD$2.50 (flat rate, no matter what size parcel you buy) and monthly tier of USD$0.0045 per sqm. You do the math :P
This is absolutely the most affordable price I've ever seen for land in SL. I'm amazed! Only thing, now I have to go shopping all over again... because my house -- yes the house that I built -- definitely doesn't suit the beach >.<
Uh-oh.... is that my wallet I hear squealing in fear??? lol
I've always been very careful with my heart, fragile organ that it is. I'm terrified of heartbreak, so I refuse to give my heart away unless certain safeguards are in place -- SL or RL. Of course, there are never any guarantees in relationships... but that's the problem. There are no guarantees, so I want to do my best to protect myself as far as I can.
You see I believe the heart is something that is for you to give away. I don't trust all this "falling in love" business. Falling in lust, yes, lol. That's to do with chemistry and attraction and being on the same wavelength. But falling in love? No way.
I was watching this video (part 2 of a series from the BBC, click here for Part 1, Part 3, Part 4). Something jumped out at me, something the lady said. "It kind of hit me before I realised exactly what was happening. I just kinda fell into it just as though it was natural. And then every once in a while... when I would just would gut-wrenchingly miss him or need to talk to him or want him to hold me or just couldn't wait for him to say hello or hi, I thought, what the heck is this, and what am I going to do with it? And then I was like, oh, I'm not going to think about that, because this feels too good. Feels good, must be good, I'm going to keep doing it."
Caught up in the moment, in the feelings and the newness, she "just fell into it", but that's because she didn't want to see. She had misgivings but brushed them off. It's my belief that we can tell when we're going to fall in love. When we spend a lot of time together with another person, talking, sharing our soul, including them in our life, thinking about them, giving and gaining emotional support from them, planning things to please them or make them happy, etc. -- we can tell that we're already on the brink of falling in love, if we haven't already fallen.
It happens everywhere. Just because SL is SL doesn't mean the feelings aren't real, as we've seen in that video. SL is just a medium for people to meet, like blogs or online forums or IM (MSN/Yahoo/ICQ) or even mIRC, back in the day. Why would you think that if it "stays in SL", it won't affect you? To me that's a bit silly. Unless you're just in RP and saying all the right things to be in character but not meaning it, then it wouldn't affect you.
Ok back to me, because this is my blog and it's about me, me me me me! XD In any interaction with a guy, RL or SL, I'm always carefully watching both of us because I just have this "thing" about allowing love to sneak up on me. Like I said, I'm terrified of getting my heart broken, so I don't want to allow myself to fall in love with someone who's all wrong for me. If I feel that we're not compatible, that we want different things in life (let alone different things from a relationship), I back off before things can progress any further.
And I think it only makes sense that I get to decide whom to give my heart to. Look at the traditional marriage vows: "To love, honour and cherish till death do us part." It's only if I can choose to give my heart away that I can ensure it stays with that person & that person only for an entire lifetime. Otherwise if my heart has a mind of its own and goes flitting here and there I would never be able to make such a promise, because I couldn't keep it, on account of not being able to control that wayward organ.
The problem is that during difficult times in a relationship it is hard to choose, again and again, to give our heart to the person who is annoying, exasperating, frustrating, and irritating us. It's always easier to think, "This person doesn't deserve my heart" or to withhold it for awhile as a way of "punishing" the other person, because we're hurt. Once we stop making that choice, it becomes much easier to later give our heart away to someone else when a conducive situation arises. Because often we've unwary and the situation comes upon us without our noticing.
In all 30 years of my life I haven't given my heart away to anyone. That's right, I've never been in love. Maybe all my theories are wrong and maybe I think too much and analyse too much. But I'm glad because when I do give it away, I will be able to joyfully surrender it to him, 100% his, no holding back, no spectres of the past haunting me. To me, that's worth it.
Hummmm. I've been very exhausted all this week and spending like 2 hours a day or less in SL. Ok 2 hours might seem like a long time, but it isn't! Also I started a building project which has me kinda stumped at the moment. It's another house, and so far I have 2 walls and a floor. Way to go, Quaintly ;)
Also yesterday RL bummed me out -- not personal RL but some crap is happening in my country, authorities arrested three people under the Internal Security Act: a political/current affairs blogger, a journalist from a Chinese daily and an MP from one of the Opposition parties. The ISA allows arrest without a warrant and for detainees to be held for up to 60 days, after which the Home Minister has the power to order further detention.
I'm most furious about the newspaper reporter, because she reported that some political figure had made racist remarks. He gets suspended by his political party for 3 years... and she gets arrested! WTF?!
She was released today and the Home Minister claimed she had been arrested "for her safety" because threats were made against her life. Yeah riiiiiight.
As for the blogger, he was arrested for allegedly making seditious remarks on his blog. They had ordered local ISPs to block his website two weeks ago and lifted the ban one day before he was arrested. This isn't the first time either. About a year ago, he was arrested because of a comment that someone had left on his blog. How's that for fairness? Someone says something untoward on your blog, and you get arrested for it! Nice way of sabotaging one's enemies, I'd say. Just find their blogs and say all kinds of nasty stuff. Hrmph.
And the MP, she was arrested for some alleged remarks about mosques and the Muslim prayers, which supposedly "created public disorder and problems". (Islam is the national religion of the country, although freedom of faith and worship is promised in the Constitution)
So... bleh. I'm worried about my country. Freedom of expression and freedom of press? You gotta be kidding.
On a happier note, something unexpected happened tonight in SL and I am excited! It made me go on a shopping spree (uh-oh... gee, I'm SUCH a woman) but no pictures, I'm pooped, it's 5:45am now *faints* [but I will post this as a Saturday post because as long as I haven't slept, it's still Saturday to me!! So there :P]
Btw you guys need to watch Laleeta's blog coz she's promised she's gonna post some ultra-exclusive photos of me XD
I wore a bandana today to show support for cancer sufferers and survivors everywhere. My grandma had to have a mastectomy three weeks ago due to breast cancer. She had been in remission for over 30 years after the first incident, then now it hit the other side. We feel fortunate because the doctors diagnosed it as 2nd stage and no need for her to have chemo -- she's 83 and we were concerned that she might not weather chemo very well.
One of my uncles died of nose cancer years back when I was in secondary school and I remember visiting him in his house, with my cousins gathered around his bed. He had 5 children and the middle child was my age, so I remember wondering how they would get along without him (like my dad, he was the sole breadwinner and my aunt was a stay-at-home mom). I remember thinking that it was all very sad and I remember him suffering, being bedridden.
So I wore a bandana today and thought of both these people. I hardly knew my uncle, wasn't close to him, but he was family and I was close to my cousin, we used to hang out all the time on account of being the same age & in the same school. I love my grandma dearly, we used to visit her & my grandpa often when we were young, and had good times at their house.
Reminds me that life is unpredictable and fleeting, we don't know what might happen tomorrow, so I'm gonna try to cherish the moments I have now. Don't want to look back and have regrets about things I should have said and done or shouldn't have said and done.
Last night, my landlord TP'd me over to see a new sim he's setting up. It's going to be in a medieval theme, so it's all old wooden buildings, a barn, stables, and so on.
While showing me one of the buildings, he decided to rez a throne.
Ciaran Laval: Oh cool! Ciaran Laval: A Throne! Ciaran Laval: Just what I deserve Ciaran Laval: King Ciaran has a nice ring to it Ciaran Laval: Get back on your knees wench You: [deciding to humour him] Yes your majesty, instantly your majesty Ciaran Laval: Ah see you can be well mannered You: Indeed your majesty, so can you
Next thing I knew, a cage had appeared and somehow he was stuck in it! Hurhurhur, not so kingly now, are we?!
But then somehow, through some wizardry (he's a part-time wizard), we ended up switching places...
Ciaran Laval: Ah this has potential You: Abused by my landlord! Boo hoo hoo! Ciaran Laval: I'd never abuse someone as soft and gentle as you are Ciaran Laval: Unless it's on a Tuesday You: What's so special about Tuesdays? Ciaran Laval: They're annoying You: I thought those were Mondays Ciaran Laval: No Mondays are autopilot, Tuesday is "Holy crap the weekend is ages away" You: Wednesdays are Hump Day, so what are Thursdays? Ciaran Laval: Half naked Thurday Ciaran Laval: I've seen it on websites You: you made that up! Ciaran Laval: mmmm
And next thing I knew, I was dead!
You: Eep! Now he wants to kill me off!! Ciaran Laval: Rawrrr good enough to bite! [he is also a part-time vampire] You: My landlord killed me and hid the body! Ciaran Laval: Nobody will ever know! Murhahahaha You: Someone must avenge my murder! You: I know... I'll get Aureis! You: I'll send my ghost to give her a message Ciaran Laval: She'll never get past the guards! You: What guards? I don't see no guards here Ciaran Laval: Ummm they hide You: Methinks he's bluffing
(This is starting to sound like one of Cailin's or Calista's blog posts XD)
When we finally got serious again, he put down a sample house for me to see. At the moment the parcels are empty because he's gonna allow future tenants to put down their own houses.
You: It's 115 prims You: The house I mean Ciaran Laval: Not much scope for furniture really You: Yep Ciaran Laval: How big is yours? You: My house? Ciaran Laval: Yes sorry You: It's a 10 x 15 footprint if I remember correctly You: No... 10m x 20m You: My house is around 22 prims Ciaran Laval: 22 prims! Ciaran Laval: Sell it woman! You: You want to buy it? Ciaran Laval: How much? You: I have no idea. You're serious?! Ciaran Laval: People want those Ciaran Laval: A 22 prim house! You: Sorry I was mistaken... 24 prims :P You: Including the water in the rooftop pool Ciaran Laval: It could be called "Quaintly" You: It could! Ciaran Laval: I swear that would sell You: There are already loads of prefab businesses though Ciaran Laval: Yes but they're not your prefab Ciaran Laval: I'll find you a space to sell prefabs You: Wow! and what is that going to cost me? :P Ciaran Laval: A bend over the desk! Nothing to start with, if you do well then we'll discuss things You: Awesome! You *are* the bestest landlord ever :D Ciaran Laval: Flattery will get you everywhere Quaintly Tuqiri reminds herself to do that more in future
All this while I've resisted buying a high-end skin, most of my skins are 1L or group gifts. But... I've fallen in love with the Tuli S5 skins. First I got the group gift of the S5 skins in "Natural 1" makeup, and later, during the Skin Fair, Tuli gave out the S5 medium tone in "Classic 1" makeup, and I've fallen in love with 'em.
So I grabbed a bunch of demos while I was at the Picking Daisies hunt at House of Heart (where Tuli has a store).
Now I can't decide which skin tone to buy :\ HALP!
Asian
Light
Medium
They all look kinda the same to me >.< Halp!!
PS. I'm only asking about the skin tone... the make-up is not an issue, don't look at the make-up! lol
Last night I couldn't rez stuff on my land. My neighbour couldn't either. I thought, oh, it's just the usual asset server nonsense, that's ok, I'll go to sleep and tomorrow it'll be fine.
Tonight I STILL can't rez stuff on my land. When I try to drag it from inventory, I can't drop it on the land. If I can drop it on the land, it doesn't appear and ten seconds later I get the message, "Attempt to rez an object failed".
Very strange, I can build. I can rez a plywood cube from nothing. But I can't bring stuff out from my inventory, even stuff that I'd made myself (like my campfire logs).
Even stranger, I can't even create a new notecard. I tried, nothing happened.
So I went over to Dyami and CeN's place to see if I would be able to rez stuff there. CeN once told Laleeta and I that we are welcome there anytime, and it's a lovely place -- oceanfront!
No problems rezzing stuff over there. No problems creating a notecard either.
I sent my landlord a notecard complaining of sim weirdness :P
Meanwhile, I have successfully converted another one of my RL friends into an SL resident! Meet Haeven Ethaniel, who has been helping me to troubleshoot my blog.
"You lah! I had to read all your posts, and then I got curious!" were her exact words. Muahahahahahah. Mai evil plan, it haz wurkd! And to think she always rolled her eyes at me before whenever I mentioned SL...
