I've been feeling like I really need a hug over the past two days or so. Not because anything bad has happened or I've been extra stressed or anything like that; just that sometimes it's just nice to have some human contact, someone to hold you.
This hugging thing is generally not a part of Asian culture, which values personal space very highly. You don't hug someone unless you have a close personal relationship with them, and even then that doesn't guarantee any hugs. My parents are pretty non-demonstrative, for example. The last time I tried to hug my dad, he stood there with his arms folded and didn't respond at all. That was awkward, I can tell ya :P
So as a single person in this kind of culture, you can go for days, weeks or months with hardly any physical human contact. I meet and talk with loads of people every day, but just don't touch any of them; or if I do, it's just a light tap on the shoulder to get someone's attention, or a welcome handshake, that sort of thing. Very casual, cursory, functional sort of touches.
What we can't get in RL we sometimes try to get in SL, is that not true? But then it's the same thing all over again in SL since I need someone to hold me close as we dance or to cuddle with me, and... well, let's just say neither of those two are common occurrences ;) -- and even less common now that I can't get inworld! *mutters at my ISP*
SL cuddles are completely different from the real thing, though. If you have children, a RL partner, someone to give you hugs in RL, I hope you consider yourself blessed. Like my friend Emerald wrote, people like us want the real thing but for one reason or another, we don't have a special someone in our lives. Even if I had a partner in SL it would not solve this particular problem, you know. You can emote and describe and imagine, but all that could never make up for the lack of actual physical touch.
Besides, in my experience SL cuddles don't just stay cuddles -- undemanding, comforting closeness. They always seem to turn into sex; it's almost as if they're a preliminary to sex. I guess the close proximity must have something to do with it *sniggers*
But sometimes I just want to enjoy the closeness without the sex. In RL you can relax in someone's arms and not say anything, simply luxuriate in the sensations of being held close; in SL I find that if both people don't say anything, the tendency is not to relax, but to get restless and want to do other things. Like, you know, answering IMs, checking Plurk, replying email, uploading pictures to Flickr, writing a blog post :P We're so used to multitasking, I think it's extremely hard for most of us to sit in front of the computer and not do anything. It's also not very relaxing to know that your silent partner is probably absent, either afk [away from keyboard] or, like I said, doing about a billion other things in other open windows on his computer. Both avatars might be locked in an embrace, but the picture presents a totally false sense of intimacy.
I guess what I'm saying is that, while SL might be able to supplement RL, it doesn't do a very good job of that, and in any case, it certainly can't replace RL. It's a medium with many limitations. Which, of course, leaves me still hugless, but also no worse off than I was before. You cannot always shape your world, RL or SL, to your own satisfaction. Neither life works that way, and the below image is proof of that!
No, I still can't get inworld... this is an old picture, taken on Jan 28
I can haz sculpted hair! *grins*
I was thinking about it. Either you believe him, or you don't. Clearly his wife doesn't. Which, you know, is quite logical, especially from the point of view of someone who hasn't been in SL. Didn't you find that last statement a bit scary? That being in SL can completely change one's ideas and perceptions? I suppose that's what people mean when they refer to SL as a "learning experience"...
Likewise, the fact that I very occasionally walk around in silks in SL doesn't necessarily mean I want to do the same in RL (yes, that's me in the picture!). Although on a really hot day, the idea might be extremely tempting. *fans self*
