June 2009 Archives

I'm back from vacation but I have nothing to write about because I haven't been doing much in SL except spending time with Karl, hanging out with a friend or two, sorting some inventory, and shopping a little. I can't muster up the interest or energy to do any hunts, collect freebies, or build. I think I should sort more inventory while in this sort of mood because it's easier to throw things out :P

I've been thinking about RL and SL, and keeping a balance between the two. Not just SL, really, but time spent online and at the computer in general. It disturbs me that I come home from work almost every day and sit at the computer, then eventually turn the computer off to go to bed. I'm 31 this year, and this is not the way I want to spend my life.

So I find myself unexcited about shopping and dressing up my avatar, because I can't figure out why what she wears should be important. In the larger scheme of things, she's just a bunch of pixels and, yeah, I want her to look good because she represents me in the virtual world, but I don't need to obsess about it, you know? I don't need to keep accumulating stuff for her and making sure she has all the "must-haves" of the moment, or the latest releases from the top SL designers.

It's just like in RL, accumulating stuff for myself and surrounding myself with stuff is a sign that I've lost sight of the big picture. How many times have I stood in a store and thought: "But it's so cheap. And it would be nice to have. I might need it one day. I'm sure I'll use it eventually. It's quite a useful thing, after all. Better to get it and know that it's there, that way I can grab it whenever I need it." That's what I used to do with books. I have so many books, I estimate about 80% of my books are still unread.

When I look at them, I think, Why do I have all this stuff?!? I'm sure I could do without them -- after all, I haven't even read most of them, so it's not like I'd miss them. Then why do I feel so reluctant to let them go? Just like I feel reluctant to dump things in my SL inventory... even boxes in "Objects" which I've never opened. I wouldn't miss them; I don't know what's in them and have never had a chance to look at them. But I cling on to them anyway.

There's something wrong with this scenario. Now if I were brave enough, I'd open up my SL inventory and delete everything unopened in "Objects", as well as all the stuff in my "Unsorted" folders. I'm not quite brave enough for that, but at this moment I'm telling myself I can at least stop accumulating more nonsense. My new mantra is It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I don't go to Hair Fair. It doesn't matter if I don't do the whatever hunt (I've lost count of the hunts going on). It doesn't matter if I don't get that gorgeous new pair of shoes from [insert name of designer here]. It doesn't matter if the designs are retiring and I will never be able to get hold of them again after this. It simply doesn't matter.

Interestingly, my dad is at work, my mom is taking a nap, I'm logged into the Internet and looking for things to do. Being away has been a good break, reminding me of what's really important. When I think about it, a lot of the things I do on the Internet are kinda pointless, except in how they help me to keep in touch with people. But now I'm wondering whether things like reading blogs and following plurk timelines really help that much.

After all, it's not really personal is it, reading someone's blog. Like, you think you know what's going on with your friend, but there are loads of things that are never blogged. I leave comments on blogs and plurks and then end up hardly ever having real conversations with my friends, which is pretty terrible. *resolves to do better*

Ever since I heard a month ago about Rheta Shan passing away in RL, it's made me feel that life is unpredictable and so fleeting, that I need to treasure whatever time I have with the people who are important to me because I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. At the airport on Thursday, I picked up a book about a wife whose husband suddenly dies from a brain tumour, leaving her to usher in her 30th birthday alone, her dreams in pieces... a story somewhat in line with my own thoughts lately.

The book's premise is poignant (although I'm not so into the way the writer tells the story). It makes me think of my parents... I can see them growing older before my eyes, although my dad is waaaaay fitter than me -- he goes mountain climbing and jungle trekking and does all kinds of outdoorsy stuff -- I can't imagine being without them. But knowing that they are growing older makes me realise I don't know how much longer I have with them, and that I should make sure they know how much I love them, so that I won't have regrets later.

Makes me think of Karl too, how we are each half-way around the world and separated by time zones, and every moment we can get together is precious. There never seems to be enough time to do all we want to do, say all we want to say. I try to cram it all in because I never want Karl to have a moment's doubt that he is loved and wanted and needed.

In a way, the very nature of an SL relationship causes one to treasure the now, because in an SL relationship it's not like you can plan for a future together, unlike in RL. In RL you can see yourself getting married (or living together), having kids, growing old, and generally moving into the future side-by-side... but in SL, it's hard to imagine what the future will be like, which makes the now all the more precious.

I am so epic fail at the Big Bad Blogger Challenge... but that's because I've gone on vacation. For one week. Visiting my parents ;)

I left on Thursday afternoon, and before that was running around like a headless chicken trying to get things done, since I knew I was going to be away for a week. So I didn't manage to get blog posts done for Tuesday or Wednesday, either. Of course, I wouldn't have been quite so headless-chickenlike if I hadn't procrastinated earlier. But you didn't hear me say that!

Now that I'm here... well... my parents do have Internet access, but it would kinda defeat the purpose of flying 2.5 hours to see them and then end up sitting in front of the PC most of the time, so I'm online only intermittently. Like right now, it's 12:10am and my parents are asleep, so I'm taking the opportunity to write this blog post, check email, and chat with Karl on Gtalk.

It is hard not being able to see and talk with him at our usual times... given that our time zones clash like crazy and we don't get to see each other that much in the first place, this is like... almost being cut off. Especially since I cannot say when I'll be online, so it is hard to arrange to be online at the same time. But, if we don't manage to see each other on Gtalk, we'll keep in touch via email. At least that's something. Thank goodness this is only for a week!

I can't get Plurk to load on my parents' 300kbp connection, although Plurk Mobile works great. Couldn't seem to post a plurk though -- I tried but it apparently didn't show up on my timeline. Meh :P

With all the building that I've been doing lately, I haven't bothered to dress up much. When I'm building I just want to put on something casual that's no fuss and no frills, which I feel I can easily move around in. I want my hair out of the way, and because I have to test poses and stuff I don't want a prim skirt blocking the view of my legs or poking out in weird directions when I try to sit down.
 
I realised that I have a "building outfit" when I found myself putting on the same ensemble each time I went to build. Poor Karl, I once wore this for 3 days straight. He never said anything, but when I wore a dress on the fourth day his first words were: "Hot dress." *giggles helplessly*
 
 

 
 
Skin: Tuli Meredith in Sunkissed (silver shine/3) - previous group gift
Glasses: PrimOptic Stilo
Hair: ETD Keri in Chocolate
Top: *Bamboo Skai* Amy Winehouse Beehave
Shorts: (Iki) Rolled up Shorts Belted: Dark
Shoes: HOC Bolts Sneakers [40L$ on XstreetSL]
Pose: Torridwear Geometry 09

I am still alive :P  I've been fighting with beanbags. If you are like me, you would have looked at beanbags in SL and thought: "Hey, they're just blobs. How hard can they be to make?"
 
Well, let me tell you, those blobs are extremely deceiving. It is simple enough to apply a sculpt map to the prim (thank goodness I don't need to make the sculpt map or I might not have any hair left after tearing all my hair out) but texturing the blob is darn tricky. I have been fighting with beanbags for ONE WEEK and I'm still not done.
 
Meanwhile, I've commissioned the one and only fantabulous Laleeta of Pffiou! to custom-make animated poses for the beanbag. I intend to sell the thing if I ever get it textured. Something that is costing me so much blood, sweat and tears -- well okay, no tears yet so far, *phew* -- ought to bring me some money dammit!
 
 

 
 
I'm using Karl's workspace since I only have 15 prims left on my own land, so I'm littering his space with copies of beanbags. Everything in the above picture is mine, except for the huge diamond at the back. That's his -- he's a jeweller ;)
 
Karl is probably the only man on earth who would not mind me messing up his space. He claims he litters just as badly as I do, except that his litter is way to small to see, since he works with tiny prims; plus there is no problem since we have plenty of room. "My space is your space. Build away," he said to me. How could I possibly not love this man?!
 
 

 
 
**Yes, I am participating in Alicia's Big Bad Blogger Challenge. I just didn't follow the topic for today :P