October 2009 Archives

Kamian and his wife flew in to Kuala Lumpur last weekend for the MotoGP, and I met them and acted as unofficial tour guide. My first time meeting a fellow SLer! How cool was that!

Unfortunately it was a bit rushed because of their tight schedule -- literally a flying visit -- but it was great to meet Kam and get a real hug ;)  Although I noticed something about the neutrality of text: text is a great equaliser and leveller. When I read, I always hear the words in my own accent, no matter whether the person I'm talking with is Aussie, Brit, German, Spanish, Italian, American, or French. So, despite knowing that Kam is an Aussie, I got a slight jolt hearing his Aussie twang! Yes, you can tell I don't Voice very much on SL :p

Still, this is not the first time I've met up with someone I've gotten to know over the Internet. To me, SL is just another medium of meeting and getting to know people, much like email, the long-ago IRC, various IM chat clients like MSN & Gtalk, and so on. Sure, with SL you not only have the added visual element, you also get to live a whole different life. And isn't that the REAL reason why so many of us would prefer to remain faceless or anonymous?

If I could, I would integrate my RL and SL more, because firstly I would be less tempted to use SL as a substitute for the empty spaces in my RL or as a means of escapism; and secondly it would help me to live by the same standards in both worlds, not having some kind of double standard whereby "It's SL, so it's okay". Some people can live that way, but it worries me that I let loose in SL and do all kinds of things that I would never even contemplate doing in RL. Why do I do it? Because, as I said in my previous post, SL seems "safe". No real repercussions, it's separated (to some degree) from RL, and nobody will know...

The anonymity is not always a good thing. For some it may be; for me, it isn't really. I suspect that I use anonymity as an excuse to be selfish, to think about what I want, what I can get away with, what I can grab hold of to make myself happy. In SL, I'm a lot more uninhibited, because it really does seem so "safe". Like, uh, you can have the thrill of flirting while knowing that you can easily pull back at any time if things don't feel right. In RL I don't dare flirt as blatantly because giving the wrong person a come-on could be... let's just say it could be hazardous to my health.

Anyway, what was I saying? Being selfish in SL. Yeah -- I'm a little afraid that this selfishness will carry over into my RL and transform the person I know myself to be. You see, SL is never truly separate from RL, no matter how deeply we wish it were. And I'd much rather have my RL overtake my SL than vice-versa!

I saw Surrogates about two weeks ago and forgot to blog about it. I meant to, really I did, but on the day I went to see it, my housemate got horrible food poisoning, and I sent him to see the doctor later that night at 2:30am. Then I struggled with sleep deprivation the rest of the week because, well, I seem incapable of going to bed before midnight for some weird reason or another. After all that, Surrogates flew right out of my head.
 
Marnix's post reminded me, though. And I really wanted to write about the movie because it is scary. Not Halloween-type scary, but scary because I could definitely see our future becoming like that. Right, I'm getting ahead of myself...
 
 

 
 
Surrogates is set in a world where everyone has an avatar, or a "surrogate". The avatar is the one who goes to work, goes on dates, runs errands, and so forth, while the real person stays at home in a chair controlling their avatar. If an avatar dies -- like in a shoot-out, for example -- no problem! It's only a robot. The person just needs to get a new avatar made. He is unaffected. Untouchable. Safe.
 
Because it's so safe, everybody has taken to using an avatar. This way, they're protected and insulated from the real world. They don't have to take any risks, they don't have to put themselves out there, to deal with the messiness of life and living. Very, very safe.
 
This is what struck me the most, because for many -- note that I didn't say all! -- of us, SL is exactly that: a safe place. My friend Peter wrote about this before... SL is a place where we can explore sides of ourselves we couldn't otherwise, a place where we are freed from the constraints of the "real world" and where we can find refuge and solace from the painful reality that some of us face in our day-to-day lives.
 
The scary thing is that SL can seem so safe and ideal that it becomes an escape rather than a "supplement" that enriches our lives. I have actually heard two different friends say that they wished they could live in SL all the time. Hearing that made me sad, because I know their desire is born out of the difficult realities that each of them are forced to live with in the "real world".
 
But Surrogates reminded me that interacting through avatars could never take place of the real thing. Imagine if you never really touched anyone, if it were only your avatar touching another's avatar... how horrifying. Being single and living alone, there are days when I would kill to receive a hug, just a simple hug. All the virtual hugs in the world will never be able to fill that void.
 
 

 
 
Unfortunately, Surrogates also reminded me that we're already halfway to the reality represented in the film. Already we as a society and culture are getting very distant and disassociated with one another. A few years ago, instead of giving me a call on my birthday or sending a birthday card, friends started texting birthday wishes over the phone. Now they write "Happy birthday!" posts on my Facebook wall.
 
We're more connected than ever and yet conversely, less connected. With IM and Facebook and Plurk and Twitter and now SL, it's not hard to envision a future where all of us sit comfortably in our homes and socialise, even live through our avatars. That scares me. I don't want to live through my avatar!
 
So actually, I was kinda relieved when I started writing a notecard to a designer yesterday and nearly signed my RL first name. Phew, looks like I am still pretty mired in reality... for the moment, at least.

I was enjoying a little snuggle the other day when I remarked that it was a bit creepy to be kissing a scary clown. He laughed and replied, "I can change if you want me to, dear," but I don't know, wouldn't that be kinda rude? Asking someone to change because you don't like what they're wearing?
 
 

 
 
I mean, what you want to be in SL, what you want to wear -- that's your self-expression. Obviously there are times when attire needs to be appropriate to the occasion, but outside of that, I feel that accepting a person as they are also means accepting their style and taste. I don't feel comfortable telling someone what I'd prefer them to be or do. That's just not my way.
 
 

 
 
Besides, whatever the avatar, whatever the he's wearing, it's still the same person behind the screen, right? Whether he's a clown or a wizard or a drow on any particular day... *coughs*  Although it might be particularly hard to cuddle with, say, a dragon. Or unicorn :p
 
So I closed my eyes and kissed him anyway. And it was lovely. And I forgot that he was a scary clown. Because to me, he was just... him. The man holding me in his arms ;)
 
Talking about costumes and strange avatars, Ciaran says he needs a coven of witches. As the saying goes: Ask and you shall receive! Below is my application. I do realise there's only one of me, but I guarantee I can beat a whole coven hands down any day! :p
 
 

 
 
Hat: Curious Kitties Witch Hat - Black [XstreetSL freebie]
Hair: Tickled Pink Martini - Greenery [No longer available]
Skin: Nuuna's Green Halloween Green [in-store freebie]
Eyes: Miriel Standard Eyes - Sunset [No longer available]
Glasses: PrimOptic Stilo
Collar: Hexed Alt - Leather Buckled Collar [No longer available]
Dress: Fireflies - Eris
Wristband: Eclectic Accessories Studded Wrist Cuff - Black
Boots: Jaywalk Liah - Onyx [No longer available]
Pose, broomstick & background: La Petite Morte Halloween 1L Gift [in-store dollarbie]

I've spent the last 3 days trying to get my [insert expletive here] inventory under control. I was over 47k and after 3 days, I'm now at... wait for it... 46,870 items. At this rate I'll be done sorting sometime in February next year. Hopefully.
 
My land is out of prims; I only have 31 prims left, so I can't rez a lot of stuff - I have prefabs, trees, gazebos, fountains... I need to see what I want to keep and what I can throw. The only sandbox I know of is the IBM sandbox, which used to be my favourite place to build. It's where I built my previous house, so I have fond memories of the place; but it's a no-script zone, and some of my prefabs are in Rezfoo boxes, which meant I needed a place that allows scripts.
 
Whenever I need help finding anything in SL, I open up the Vain Inc. group chat and pose the question. People there are so helpful and someone always has the answer! Sure enough, I soon had a few suggestions of nice sandboxes to use. But two people invited me to come build on their land. One was a perfect stranger, and the other was Banana. I was blown away! And look at what Banana did! She definitely knows how to give a person a warm welcome ;)
 
 

 
 
I know Banana from her blog, but didn't realise until about a week or so ago that she has her own store, Potassium. Of course when I realised, I had to go check it out. She has some lovely stuff and I'm trying to get her to sell fatpacks so that I won't have to decide which colour to get. Just buy 'em all and be done with it! :D
 
 

 
 
Meanwhile, I've also asked CT, who owns most of the land on Envision, to consider selling me another 320sqm. I can't afford a lot, but at least that would give me another 70-odd prims to play with... and I hear CT has hardly been inworld, apart from the fact that he also doesn't seem to be using his land for anything much. Hopefully he'll agree... *crosses fingers and toes and waits with bated breath for a reply to my private plurk*
 
As far as my land goes, I'm wondering if I should take the skyhome down. Haven't used it much since Karl and I broke up... it was our private place, because I usually entertain friends and visitors in my garden. Things are changing and I might need a private place again sooner than I expect, but I'm just not sure whether to leave the house up, get another house, or not have a house at all. It doesn't help that I don't like change :p
 
 
Skin: Rockberry Uma Group Gift - Natural
Hair & hat: Celestial Studios Devyn - Chocolate
Eyes: Beloved Lolite Eyes - large
Glasses: PrimOptic Stilo
Scarf: iBizarre Bandana Scarf - Blue Flowers
Shrug: Persona Blue Lace Bolero
Top: Potassium Strapless Pink/Yellow
Skirt: Concrete Flowers Flower Polka Skirt
Boots: Pixel Mode Rea Suede Boots - Candy
Pose: Long Awkward Pose Miss Attitude

A very very long time ago, like... err... waaaaay back in July -- which as we know is practically aeons in SL terms -- Eboni Khan gave me two belts to try because she saw me mention on Plurk that I have difficulty fitting most belts to my slender shape. She told me they were made from sculpties, so the prims could resize down very small, and that I could adjust the position of the individual prims using the script inside, which also allows for resizing.
 
I remember kindnesses. It's too easy to always complain, but when people are kind somehow that gets less attention, which is a shame, really. And I've been blessed to have met some really kind and helpful and generous designers. Sometimes I think of blogging as a way of showing my appreciation to them.
 
 

Click picture for larger image
 
 
So when I got this dress as a review pack through the new iheartsl inworld group, and tried it on, I knew I would blog it. Quite aside from the fact that it was from House of Hucci (Eboni's store), it is fantastic and makes me feel so glam. The jewellery is all part of the dress, apart from the belt -- although the belt is from House of Hucci too. Colour-change jewellery, no less!
 
I chose to pair it with the oldie but goodie (and unfortunately no longer available) G.L.A.M. tights, tinted a deep purple to match my lipstick and provide contrast with the dress. And my new Pixel Mode boots, bought at the recent sale, which I looooooove (although the Bax Prestige boots will always be my first love! lol).
 
 

Click picture for larger image
 
 
I'm wearing the dress with the skin Aimesi skin Drama Sugar Face3, also part of a review pack from the iheartsl group... a skin which goes well with my shape, much to my delight. Sometimes it's hard to find a skin that will fit your shape well, and when you put it on, you look like a caricature of your normal self (see the proof in the first picture of this post!). The only thing I would say about this skin is that it looks a bit "flat"... I took this picture with the same Windlight settings/lighting that I do most of my other pictures, and in my other posts you can see how my usual Rockberry skin looks, compared to the Aimesi skin here. It's a very sweet-looking skin, but maybe needs a bit of subtle shading to give the face some definition.
 
And yes, I know Gogo won't take me seriously coz I'm not wearing prim lashes, but that's just too bad :P
 
 

 
 
Hair: Truth Jennifer - chocolate
Skin: Aimesi Skin Drama Sugar Face3 *review*
Eyes: Beloved Topaz Eyes - large (in-store freebie!)
Glasses: PrimOptic - Stilo
Dress & Jewellery: House of Hucci Tortue Dress - Black *review*
Belt: House of Hucci Diva Gold Belt
Tights: G.L.A.M. Tintable Metallic Lycra Tights - Dark Tone - Solid [no longer available]
Shoes: Pixel Mode Rea Suede Boots - Black
Pose prop: Reel Expression Posing Wall Set
 
Note about Windlight: I use Gogo's Windlight settings in almost all my pictures on this blog.

Lately I find I want to experiment more with photography, except that I am vain so I take photos of myself, unlike Nika who takes photos of landscapes ;)  So I've been looking out for good pose props to use, but not many people seem to make them...
 
I saw a picture of a bench on another blog (the last picture), and immediately fell in love with the colours, the texture, everything. It would be such a great prop to have, I thought. So I went over to the MudHoney stall at The Black Market, but to my disappointment, that bench wasn't for sale.
 
 

 
 
Well, I wanted the bench badly enough that I decided there was no harm asking Rayvn Hynes if she would consider selling it. I sent her a notecard, and she happened to be online and came over immediately! I was so stunned! I always imagine content creators as very busy people, and I know that when I'm in the middle of a project I'd rather finish the project first than get interrupted. As a result, I truly appreciate content creators who respond to my queries promptly ‹3
 
Rayvn said she had never thought of selling the bench; it was just something she'd made to use for decoration. She set it for sale, I bought it, and was so happy! I know, I know, I am easy to please :p
 
Later, I found a lingerie set on Xstreet for $50L and when I tried it on, I decided it would be perfect to show off with the bench. The above picture is the result. Here's a close-up *grins* (This pose does not come with the bench -- I am using a pose I bought elsewhere)
 
 

 
 
I added a choker from ~flirt~ and bangles from Dahlinks, a purchase at the recent Jewellery Fair. The store is new to me, but I'm very pleased with the bangles. They're very well made and I plan to go over to the mainstore soon to see what else I can find!
 
 

 
 
Hair: ETD Lindsay - Blonde
Skin: Rockberry Uma Group Gift - Natural
Eyes: Beloved - Lolite Eyes (large)
Glasses: PrimOptic - Stilo
Choker: Flirt Interactions Choker Silver
Bangles: Dahlinks Stacked Silver Bracelets with Healt Lock & Bali Braid
Outfit: Hollow Angel Designs - Tiffany Diamonds [L$50 promo on Xstreet]
Shoes: SKG Shoes Amanda Pumps - White
Bench: MudHoney Designs Vintage Bench w/ Blanket [available only at The Black Market]
Bench pose: ANOmations Laying018

I was sorting inventory when Peter asked me to come over to Bare Rose and see one of their new releases. Me being me, I got distracted while I was there, and instead of looking at what he wanted me to see, my eyes lit on a box called "Toe Shoes". Ballerina shoes? Omg! Yes!!!
 
Then I went home and discovered the box didn't just contain shoes... it held a full ballerina outfit. In two colours, no less. Oh, wow! Jackpot!
 
 

 
 
Although I've never taken ballet classes, I've always thought ballerinas so lovely and graceful -- yes, I know a lot of blood, sweat and tears are shed behind the scenes, but there's just something about a ballerina that, to me, spells enchantment and beauty and all that. I can't explain it. (Have I ever mentioned that I'm an incurable romantic?)
 
Anyway, once I'd tried the outfit on, I simply HAD to take pictures. Had to, I tell you! I couldn't help myself! That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
 
 

 
 
You have to admit it's worth taking pictures of ;)
 
 
Hair: Calla ImSoElegant - Ash Blonde
Skin: Rockberry Uma Group Gift - Natural
Glasses: PrimOptic - Stilo
Outfit (including shoes): Bare Rose ToeShoes - PalePink
Jewellery: Alienbear Design Sassy White Pearl Set
Pose #1: Elisa Giselle 3
Pose #2: Elisa Giselle 5

I seem to know a lot of North American/European people in SL. Not by design... it just happened. The upshot of that is sometimes, conversations take on a somewhat American or northern hemisphere-ish kind of slant. Like when people start asking on Plurk what kind of food others consider a must-have during Thanksgiving. I want to hold up a placard saying, "I am not American and we do not have Thanksgiving!"
 
It's hard not to be snarky sometimes. *blushes*
 
Moreover, fashion blogs talk about "summer dresses" and "fall releases" and I'm like, "Excuse me, what fall?!" For better or worse, I live in a country where it is hot & humid all year round -- we're too close to the equator to have four seasons. I can't identify with questions like, "Do you guys dress for the fall in SL as well as RL?" It always makes me feel like the odd one out. I dress... however I want to dress at that particular moment, lol!
 
Then there was all the talk of SLCC back in August. While many people were excited about the SLCC, all I could do was watch, read and listen wistfully. I'm quite resigned that I'll never get to attend SLCC in my lifetime, because it simply is too bloody far away and would cost too much. The return flight alone would cost about $5k in Malaysian currency. So, uh, unless I strike the lottery (which would mean I've got to start buying tickets!), it ain't gonna happen.
 
So sometimes in SL I feel like the kid in the playground who is standing on the outside looking in. I'm usually in the wrong timezone for SL events -- friends' birthday parties and so on, and every time someone in says, "Good morning, all!" in group chat, I'm the one blurting out, "Morning? It's 7:30pm here!"
 
*sighs*
 
 

 
 
Now the grid is exploding in Halloween spookiness all over. I know Halloween is big in North America, but it isn't big here at all. Nobody dresses up, goes trick-or-treating or decorates for Halloween. I hear about all the Halloween hunts, look at Halloween colours popping up in designers' new releases, see all the Halloween decorations in stores, and am reminded that I come from a completely different culture.
 
Right now, in Malaysia, stores are gearing up for Deepavali, a Hindu festival also known as "the festival of lights". It falls on Oct 17 this year. I'm not Hindu, so in that sense this doesn't truly affect me either, but it shows you the marked difference between my SL and RL.
 
I think this shows me that we can never really throw off who we are... we come into SL and could be anyone from anywhere, yet what do we do? We "import", or bring in elements from our own cultures & backgrounds, bring in the known and the familiar to build a comfort zone. We can't be from "nowhere"... in fact, "Where are you?" tends to be one of the first questions many people ask, simply because of timezone issues. And I've yet to meet anyone who refuses to give an answer.
 
 
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Hair: Slink Thursday's Child - Light Blonde [I think it's no longer available]
Skin: Rockberry Uma Group Gift - Natural
Glasses: PrimOptic - Stilo
Necklace: Slither Jewellery - Green on Silver
Bangles: No idea, creator doesn't seem to have a store any longer
Outfit: Multiple Personality Designs Let it Burn - Green
Shoes: ETD Hampton Wedge - Caribbean
Pumpkin, pose & hat: Long Awkward Pose Halloween 2008 Group Gift [no longer available]

My housemate, whom of necessity knows all about my, err, entanglement with SL, told me I should watch Gamer. When I asked why, he replied, "Because it'll be a waste if you don't. You'll get it."
 
I asked, "And others won't?"
 
He shook his head. "Most people won't."
 
"Wait... you're saying I will get it because I'm in SL?"
 
"Yeah."
 
He was so dedicated to the cause that he went to see it a second time, just to keep me company. Because I don't have any other friends who wanted to see it, and I told him I didn't want to see it badly enough to go by myself :P
 
 

 
 
If you don't know the story, it's about a world where real people become avatars in an in-game environment, allowing themselves to be controlled by the players, the people outside. One of the players finds a way to communicate directly with his avatar in-game. The avatar then asks the guy to release him and allow him to have control over his own movements and decisions in the game. I can't tell you more or there'd be spoilers ;)
 
It's a bit mindboggling and there's a lot of violence. There are two games in existence: one is called "Society" and is somewhat like The Sims; the other is called "Slayers" and is one of those war-like shooting games. So yeah, a lot of blood and violence in that one, avatars shooting other avatars -- except instead of pixels dying on screen, it's real people dying, since the avatars are all real people.
 
But apparently that doesn't matter because those avatars are all death row convicts, so they were going to die anyway. If any of them can survive 30 matches, they'll be set free. The hero of the story is one match away from the goal and is the only one to ever have made it that far. But you must remember, it's not he who's the skillful one -- it's his player!
 
Confused yet? Here's a visual of what the "Society" game is like (that's the game screen, and the player is choosing an outfit for his avatar. Yes, very SL. lol!):
 
 

 
 
Did I like the movie? It's hard to say. I guess this is not the kind of movie you can like or not like. It's a bit of a mindfuck, but it makes you think. How far would we go in the name of entertainment, for instance?
 
As you can see, my housemate was right -- I totally "got it". He knows me too well.
 
Oh, if you do see the movie, watch out for the classic stereotypical portrayal of the grossly overweight dude sitting in front of the computer screen controlling a supposedly sexy female avatar. It amused me greatly since people keep claiming that a lot of female avis in SL are controlled by RL men!