Kamian and his wife flew in to Kuala Lumpur last weekend for the MotoGP, and I met them and acted as unofficial tour guide. My first time meeting a fellow SLer! How cool was that!
Unfortunately it was a bit rushed because of their tight schedule -- literally a flying visit -- but it was great to meet Kam and get a real hug ;) Although I noticed something about the neutrality of text: text is a great equaliser and leveller. When I read, I always hear the words in my own accent, no matter whether the person I'm talking with is Aussie, Brit, German, Spanish, Italian, American, or French. So, despite knowing that Kam is an Aussie, I got a slight jolt hearing his Aussie twang! Yes, you can tell I don't Voice very much on SL :p
Still, this is not the first time I've met up with someone I've gotten to know over the Internet. To me, SL is just another medium of meeting and getting to know people, much like email, the long-ago IRC, various IM chat clients like MSN & Gtalk, and so on. Sure, with SL you not only have the added visual element, you also get to live a whole different life. And isn't that the REAL reason why so many of us would prefer to remain faceless or anonymous?
If I could, I would integrate my RL and SL more, because firstly I would be less tempted to use SL as a substitute for the empty spaces in my RL or as a means of escapism; and secondly it would help me to live by the same standards in both worlds, not having some kind of double standard whereby "It's SL, so it's okay". Some people can live that way, but it worries me that I let loose in SL and do all kinds of things that I would never even contemplate doing in RL. Why do I do it? Because, as I said in my previous post, SL seems "safe". No real repercussions, it's separated (to some degree) from RL, and nobody will know...
The anonymity is not always a good thing. For some it may be; for me, it isn't really. I suspect that I use anonymity as an excuse to be selfish, to think about what I want, what I can get away with, what I can grab hold of to make myself happy. In SL, I'm a lot more uninhibited, because it really does seem so "safe". Like, uh, you can have the thrill of flirting while knowing that you can easily pull back at any time if things don't feel right. In RL I don't dare flirt as blatantly because giving the wrong person a come-on could be... let's just say it could be hazardous to my health.
Anyway, what was I saying? Being selfish in SL. Yeah -- I'm a little afraid that this selfishness will carry over into my RL and transform the person I know myself to be. You see, SL is never truly separate from RL, no matter how deeply we wish it were. And I'd much rather have my RL overtake my SL than vice-versa!
"it worries me that I let loose in SL and do all kinds of things that I would never even contemplate doing in RL."
whatever you have/havent done, whatever you will/won't do, it will always be you. you can even live by the same standards(whatever you want them to be) in both worlds, and share the bits you want with the people you choose.
btw, dunno who kamian is, but I need pictures of the race. ;)
Doing things I can't do at RL is my motive to stay at SL, and doing things I shouldn't is one of my main motives to stay anonymous.
Another motive is that just now I mainly do silly things at SL, but if the barrier of anonimity breaked, I would risk doing them at RL too; and that is a huge risk.
Should I stop doing things I know are wrong? They deppend on how wrong are they; life isn't black or white, mostly we swim in the gray, and we apply a lot the "it is wrong, unless it is me doing it" rule.
I like being able to flirt here (at SL), since it was something I had just tasted at RL; I feel sexier, happier with myself. I even think it is healthier that the usual, rigid way we behave at RL.
But if it makes you feel wrong, if you feel like aer behavng in a selfish way, you have the right to be afraid.you shouldnt do anything that makes you feel bad with yourself.
You know? My previous comment looks too much as a long justification, except for the last line, which isn't too clear.
What I tried to say is: you are the ultimate judge of what is wrong, and what is right. Not always is easy to decide, because right and wrong are usually mixed... but if something feels wrong, if something makes you more unhappy than happy, or makes you worry about the health of your life, you should stop it.
After all, you can always change your oppinion later :-p
*hugs*
When I was new in Second Life, I thought my avatar was a different personality, or at least a different facet of my personality, that doesn't show in my first life. Along the way I have discovered that avatar and human are more alike than I thought. We have the same mindset, the same standards and morals: I wouldn't do things in SL that I wouldn't in RL - except that I'm more likely to do them in SL because I'm more daring there, probably because of the anonymity.
I'm not sure if it's selfish to do things that make you happy in SL. Maybe it's just taking more care of your true self, free from the judgement of your family and friends, discovering your true wishes and dreams. For me personally (and I'm not alone in this) it was an eye-opener on some aspects and it has heavily affected my first life. I'm now much more self conscious and independent than I was 2,5 years ago. And happier :)
In the past years avatar and human merged more and more, and lately I even occasionally catch my self considering to give up anonymity in SL (also driven by professional reasons - for me SL is also a place to meet fellow storytellers). We'll see where that ends... ask me again in 2 years or such!
As you know my RL is very challenged and under pressure. SL is my safe haven, where I find 2 hours peace, respect, affection, success, economic security and even love.
My anonymity protects this safe haven - giving it up would most likely destroy it for me, would make it unable for me to return.
This is why I value it so much, and this is why disclosure of my RL persona is the biggest gift I can give in SL.
Wait a minute....
You said "..it would help me to live by the same standards in both worlds, not having some kind of double standard whereby "It's SL, so it's okay"."
Does that mean if U flew into Kuala Lumpur you wouldn't like, you know, show-off that "bracelet" like you did here? Wow. Burst my bubble.
/me lowers his head and shakes slowly in depressed relaization as he walks off into the darkness at the other end of whatever that dark place is movie actors walk into in the movies.